cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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