Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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