It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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