She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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