Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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