I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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