so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
