you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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