Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
