Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
