take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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