just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
