thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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