Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
