I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
