how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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