After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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