woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
COCAINE IS GR8
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
