one two three fourrrrnication!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.