Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag