I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
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I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.