I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?