when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.