You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.