I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
