actually, I'm a sock model
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosť, bitch!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!