But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?