Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize