Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
