why didn't you poke me back
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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