I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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