and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
