My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
