Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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