The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
