New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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