imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
