oh god the rape fog is back!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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