i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
