Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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