Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize