Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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