I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
