oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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