I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
