i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
