I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
