I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
