My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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