i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
