Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
