I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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