I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How's work?
Spinning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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