The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
