So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
