11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His nipple licking is glorious
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