i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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