Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
how drunk are you?
Several
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
