Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize