I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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