I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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