Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
