We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
