that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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