its not stalking. its research.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
