I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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