U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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