Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
