Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
